Whats the glycemic index on semen?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
