it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
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