this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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