Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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