I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
