I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
