I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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