Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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