do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
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beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
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Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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