Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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