Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
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I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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