More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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