Ambien. No doubt about it.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
