To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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