she looked like the before picture.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
