I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
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mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
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The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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