feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Damn victory sex feels great
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
