I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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