We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
