Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize