Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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