If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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