the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
