I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
