and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
