just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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