I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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