Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
These tits shall not be calmed
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
