Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
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She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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