my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
