my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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