I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
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I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
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There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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