My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
