So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
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