My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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