when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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