Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
