new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
