we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
