I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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