Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
