so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
