I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm too high and old for this...
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Randomize
