Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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