do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
