I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
