chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
