hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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