Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
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