she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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