It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
