Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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