this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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