I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
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Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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