did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes