we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
These People Are So Awkward You’ll Get Embarrassed
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
These People Encountered Celebrities in Bizarrely Normal Places
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Please. i have SOME standards
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool