On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.