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I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
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