Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Holy shit dude........stairs
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
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