I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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