Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
