Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
We need to get me chipped asap
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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