my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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